This feels different in comparison to the last book.
As it should be, because when you write 380 something pages, you’re not likely to be the same person at the end of it.
That to me, is the best part of writing. You’re in a process, it takes courage to go to the page. Not the ‘wrestling a bear or storming into a fire’ sort of courage but you’re risking something whenever you write.
You’re saying ‘hey, this is me.’
It’s not the same thing as a selfie though. is it? You probably reveal more of yourself than you would care to. You put time into it that you could spend with actual people, because in some ways, they do matter more than actual people to you. You feel something, sometimes it’s not until you’ve written but there’s a point where it all comes together and then you’re making it happen. It feels, to quote Rustin Cohle, like you’re mainlining the universe.
It doesn’t matter if you’re good if you enjoy it. Oftentimes, the love of it means that you develop fairly quickly or you decide ‘I want to get better at this but I don’t know how.’.
I’m generally positive about the state of literature, as I am about most things. The universe is working, not on rails like a tram, but as an expression of itself, embodied within you and the things that you do. If you do something positive and align your life around it, then you’ll start seeing things differently.
Your masochism, your lack of focus, sooner or later you have to decide if you really need to carry it along with you or if you want to travel light and react quicker to the challenges that emerge. I love writing more than being a writer ( I don’t really feel or know what one is, outside of having written and maybe been paid for it, which I have, or will be soon)
The novel is still there, because as human beings, extensions and expressions of the universe or however you choose to see yourself, we still like journeys. A novel is such a process and I love learning about them, writing them to see what I want to say about the world and the people within it.
tl:dr – i wrote two more pages of my book. It went really well and I enjoyed it.