poetry, masculinity

An appropriate manner of ending

Should the breath

In my lungs grow

Too clotted

If my blood grows torpid

Fetid to look upon

Too sick of life

To pretend empty

Isn’t better

And rather than pretend

The end isn’t inevitable

But my disdain is reserved for

The thought I won’t choose

Some stronger way to pass

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beauty, masculinity, poetry, women

Fall

I get the impulse

To break

To fall to pieces

But no one will pick up

The rubble

And reassemble me

So I hold

Remain

Endure until such time as

The taste of destruction fades

And peace returns

Like a sunrise after an insomniacs

Reverie

Stronger for it and

Kinder to those who bear the marks

Of staring into the storm

And letting the best things

Come to pass

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beauty, masculinity, poetry, stoicism

Another Round

I acknowledge the exhaustion

Alone

This burden of performance

Relinquished after

Before the show

Remove the war paint

Unbuckle the armour

For a time,

Feel each ache and concern

Let them stretch and walk around

Then away

Because I ask nothing of sympathy

Just a moment to contemplate

Check my gut and say

Sometimes I don’t always have

The solution

But, always, I am the solution,

Spectacular when I’m inspired

To be so

But the day calls

Let me know if you are well

The game begins

Another round

And the die is warm

In my palm

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beauty, love, lust, masculinity, poetry, sex, women

Crowned by the dawn

All the warmth and joy without

Having to be furtive in pursuit

A languid pace

A child’s idling walk

Busy, at times, to the point

Where I can hardly catch

My breath

But I surf or spread wings

Of persistent purpose

And take to the skies

I could run naked

Into the woods.

Howl with such joy

Make a bed of soft leaves

To take you upon

Weave flowers

In your hair

And the ones on your head

Sniff and stroke

Rough fingers, made damp

With skill

Coax high whispers of delight

As I took possession

But first,

Tea and lunches packed,

Shopping lists,

Crowned by the dawn

With work already done

And I tell you nothing

But show you

Each and every time

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beauty, love, masculinity, poetry, women

Weekend Omnibus

So, posted some advice and lifestyle information in the last day or so, and I’d like to know what you thought about them?

Purpose and Mindset (Advice For Men)

GROOMING AND APPEARANCE

Diet

So, there’s been less this week but it is due to some focus on longer projects, which I am planning to make available in return for money.

Day and date

a season

Mixtape

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masculinity, psychology, purpose

Purpose and Mindset (Advice For Men)

Internal:

 

Purpose

 

A man is what he does, not who he is.

 

It is a cruel idea to know all your good qualities have no value in the marketplace of people.

 

A devotion to a relationship kills it with the weight of attention.

 

These dichotomies are bitter medicine, but there is, if not a cure, then an antidote to the worst side effects.

 

A purpose.

 

An interest, a goal which you have outside of your relationships and hobbies.

 

Owning your own business.

Becoming a doctor or a lawyer.

Becoming a published writer

Releasing and playing music to audiences you’ve written and performed.

You should set yourself the goal of finding one, and soon. Make it align with your values and aptitudes then set yourself to achieving it. Be passionate about it, have it occupy your thoughts when you’re not doing it. It is the difference between having a job and a career as Chris Rock said.

 

Having and maintaining this will provide you with a source of character and meaning which will resist the vagaries of other people. It will teach you a valuable lesson: responsibility for meeting your own needs.

 

So if you’re a writer, don’t call yourself ‘aspiring’. Write. If you’re a musician, practice and write music, get out and play with better musicians than you. Study people who have excelled in your field and ask yourself how they did it, and what you can borrow from them.

 

Be excited about yourself and the things you do.

Mindset

 

‘Just be yourself’ is common advice.

 

It is well-intended, and avoids making any accurate, or challenging observations about where you need to improve as a person. If someone says it to you, and you breathe a sigh of relief or feel confused, then it is the latter feeling which is the honest one.

 

What if you suck?

 

So, no, don’t ‘just be yourself’. It is a lazy cop out and if it got you women in the past, then you wouldn’t be here reading this, would you?

 

No, as men, we should work on being the best version of ourselves. It is unnecessary to set impossible goals, but the higher you reach, the better place you will land if you don’t quite reach it.

 

Give yourself someone to aspire to.

 

You.

 

The routines and basic psychology of game are useful in so much as you can, with practice and application, get any girl. However, as the French say:

 

There is one thing worse than not getting the girl.

 

Getting the girl.

If you lack character, principles, boundaries then you are at risk of being unable to screen for people in your life who may not want what is best for you. This is not an idealised screening process, but if you understand yourself, then you can see whether someone is the best person for you. I offer the tools to allow you a clear consideration of whether it is a place you want to be in your life.

 

It starts from the most dangerous, uncertain territory.

 

Inside your head, looking out.

How do you separate you from yourself? It is difficult to figure out how and why you do things, including those things which keep you from your goals, but there have been tools to achieve this and I will share them with you.

Journaling:

 

Diaries are for teenage girls and Boomers who don’t know how to use their phones.

 

You are going to journal.

 

Write each day about how you are feeling.

 

There are variations on this, which I will share with you and these depend on what sort of person you are, in terms of whether you ‘move towards’ or ‘away from’ things in life.

Towards:

 

Before coffee and after scratching your balls, write your goals and tasks for the day. Include something you can do with ease or have already done, which you can cross off as soon as possible.

 

Example

 

Scratch balls

Go to gym

Say hello and make eye contact with five strangers today.

Do laundry

 

See, it is not so much simple as elegant. You become accustomed to setting yourself small goals each day and making yourself accountable for them. Check off what you did and move to tomorrow what you didn’t.

I recommend pen and paper, a hardbound book and a good pen. Pencil fades but it is convenient in a pinch, but whatever you use, write things down.

 

Away From

 

To write what you are feeling, borrow this maxim from Joe R Lansdale:

 

‘Write like everyone you know is dead.’

 

Use I statements when you write what you are feeling.

 

I felt frustrated when David asked Simon to stay and do the overtime at the store today. I am a good worker, but Simon spends time with him away from work.

You have an issue, but you control your feelings and providing the means to a solution in assessing the situation.

 

Pen and paper is important. It combines physical activity and is low-tech enough to avoid you sharing it on social media. Keep it private as something you do for yourself. Later on, when we get to the performative aspects of masculinity, then we can talk about what you share with others.

 

Your journal is your portable father if you don’t have one. It is also your private mentor and harshest critic.

 

Write what you think and feel there. Be fearless about yourself, and it will repay you as time progresses.

 

Start with 30 days of entries. Make each one as minimal as you need to, to get it done. Accomplishing anything for this time period creates neural associations, like a groove which you fall into.

 

If you feel any residual embarrassment, remember you’re leaving your wisdom and experience for future generations and let other people blunder around in unguarded and blithe ignorance.

Meditation:

 

We are learning machines. With modern life, it is difficult to focus on what is important and stick to it. The ever-present fear of missing out has us chasing novelties which fit Oscar Wilde’s description of smoking as ‘exquisite but unsatisfying.’ Our relationship with news is akin to escorting a shrieking friend from a bar before they get you both killed.  We are supposed to maintain, or even put forward a genuine version of masculine identity to gain and maintain the interest of women so how we reach the state of inner calm without drugs or neurosurgery?

 

Meditation.

There used to be a stigma attached to it as a practice. It carries connotations of narcissism projected as spiritual depth when it is one of the fundamental tools with which to address core concerns and issues within yourself.

 

It allows you to separate from your thoughts and feelings. Distance lends perspective and from there, you can see how and why you do things. To deal with the traits and habits which hold you back, this is invaluable. However, it is important to see the qualities which you like about yourself.

Basic Practice:

 

  • Find a quiet room and make sure you won’t be disturbed.
  • You sit or lay down, close your eyes and focus on your breathing.
  • One inhale and exhale counts as one repetition.
  • Carry out eight repetitions.

 

  • As you do this, your thoughts will take on a pace which can unnerve at first. Suddenly, you are preoccupied with what rhymes with orange but you need to just breathe through it and keep going.
  • If you lose your place, then you start again at one and keep going until you get to eight repetitions.
  • There may be points where one repetition is enough, then it is enough. However, commit to this practice for thirty days and do so without announcing it to anyone.
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beauty, masculinity, men

GROOMING AND APPEARANCE

If you wear spectacles, look at getting frames which suit the shape of your face. Contact lens or laser eye surgery will give you a new look. With thicker prescriptions, contact lenses avoid the fish bowl look of magnified lenses.
With bad skin, see your doctor. Later, as we go into diet, there are changes which will result when you make improvements but otherwise look at using a non allergenic soap, adopt a light moisturising routine (coconut oil is good) and drinking water. Acne is a condition which people make jokes about and spread a lot of misconceptions around.

Your teeth look like an abandoned graveyard. Use baking soda or a good whitening toothpaste for thirty seconds with a good toothbrush. An electric one is a good investment. Floss after meals. Drink a lot of water. Use a tongue scraper if your breath can exorcise demons.

There aren’t reasons only excuses not to invest in some time taking care of yourself. It is not about getting into a cosmetics race with anyone, but to make the most of what you have and build upon it. Men who are overweight, unattractive can attract beautiful women but their status and ability to provide comes into play. If you don’t have those things, good health and the appearance of someone who might have those things rewarded to them stands you in better stead with women.

Clothes

We apply principles here.

Clothes are important. You’re not a child so I won’t explain it to you but if you’re striking out with women, then you should look at how you dress. I talk in terms of principles because I don’t want to project my personal prejudices onto your choices.

No slogan or logo t-shirts.

Plain t-shirts and vests in different colours, but if you go black or white, then you won’t go wrong.

Clothes which fit.

Good shoes suitable for formal events and casual and athletic footwear. You can spend a great deal of money on shoes, which is not an alien concept but have a variety.

A suit. Multiple suits if it is part of your look, but at least one good one. Two, as you can have one for formal events and another for work. You can buy off the peg, but if money allows, get one made by a tailor. It will be perfect to your measurements, hide your sins of physique and amplify your better traits.

If it isn’t possible, then at least it will be hard wearing and comfortable.

A leather jacket. a biker one.

These lend you an air of adventure. Think of it like armour if you like. It is important to wear something in line with your overall look and also authentic in its expression.

A denim jacket.

A good, smart sweater. As expensive a material as you can afford. Cashmere. Wool. They can give a smart, educated look when worn over the shoulders or draped around the waist.

Good jeans. Again, another area you should put money into. Indigo or dark jeans, although if it is authentic to your look, a lighter denim can work. If you insist on wearing jeans with the denim jacket, then make sure they are different shades or styles of denim. Having the same material makes you look ridiculous and retro.

Good sunglasses. Nothing extreme sports related. Aviators or Wayfarers.

A good bag or satchel. Go for classic leather or canvas. If you work or enjoy tech, then a solid, black and grey design offers great possibilities. Decaying backpacks with metal badges and stencils will portray you as immature. Look good and smart, to have money or the capacity to make it in large amounts.

Belts. Match the colour of the shoes. Do not clash.

If these details seem odd, then here is another lesson. Women pay attention, testing you and if your lack of grooming is obvious, then it becomes a reason to discount you.

A well-groomed, considered look is good. Women pay attention to everything so we must ensure we carry our authentic masculine identities like medals.

What if you suck?

So, no, don’t ‘just be yourself’. It is a lazy cop out and if it got you women in the past, then you wouldn’t be here reading this, would you?

No, as men, we should work on being the best version of ourselves. It is unnecessary to set impossible goals, but the higher you reach, the better place you will land if you don’t quite reach it.

Give yourself someone to aspire to.

You.

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