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Excerpt From A Magician’s Guide To Great Yarmouth.

  1. Elder Green was named after the ritual banishment of the ancient god Nyarlathotep, the climax of a long and bloody secret rivalry between two covens of witches, funded by political parties in the late 80’s. The banishment itself led to the destruction of both covens and the renaming of the estate serves as a warning. To whom and to what end remains a mystery.
  2. Everyone is familiar with the Holy Grail but not it’s unholy equivalent, the Black Grail. It is buried under the set of bushes on your right as you enter Clarendon Close. The bush that sits atop it produces white berries, that if dried and smoked allows for communication with such notable entities as The King of The Seagulls and The Persistent Doubt.
  3. Much of the town’s troubles can be traced to the magical rivalry between Gordon The Teacher and The Puppet Man. The influence of the Conservative Witches Guild of Belton and Bradwell should not be underestimated either.
  4. If you come across the following:
    The Puppet Man performing after sunset. using a wooden, carved Harlequin puppet that appears to be stained with something that resembles beetroot juice whilst he is dancing and singing to a piece of music that appears to be a mash up of Terry Jack’s Seasons In The Sun and Cypress Hill’s ‘How I Could Just Kill A Man.’. Run in the opposite direction as fast as you can.
  5. Wear a red velvet scarf with kabbalah symbols woven into it in silver thread down MiddleGate at midnight and reciting the proper phrasing, you can find the End Gate. Please do not use it.
  6. Some abandoned houses in the borough are neither abandoned nor houses. Proceed with caution.
  7. No one knows what lies behind the Market Gates. The answer can be found by being present at three in the morning and performing The Ritual of The Seagull King. You will not thank me nor will you have the opportunity to do so.
  8. Migration has produced some interesting flora and fauna to the area. The Vodyanoi that lives in the Port Authority Building knows some great stories but is quick to anger. Each time that the sea level rises, think about the last racist thing you said and who might have heard it.
  9. The old walls around the town are not actually remains of Roman architecture but organs from the stone elemental that was summoned to save the settlement from a plague of demons. If you are so inclined, put your palm to the stone and say a prayer of thanks for its sacrifice.
  10. The mouth of the Yare has teeth. Remember that.

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