I wrote two difficult pages, in a different tense and although essentially exposition, I aimed to make it hurt, to weaponise it. I’m not entirely sure it’s in the right place within the book, but it is done and I’m pleased with it. There was some research required for it, which wasn’t cheery or shiny subject matter. I don’t pretend that this is a theme park of a world, because we need the ten thousand joys and sorrows to make sense of things but there are acts and incidents that I refuse to bear.
That we should.
This however isn’t about my politics. If anything, I should be invisible. For me, it is purely about the work itself. Fame is relatively easy to find, but it is insubstantial currency now. People used to be famous for their achievements, now we have people who are famous simply for being famous and they fascinate me. What their inner lives must be like, and it’s unfair to presume that they don’t. It probably beats working behind a counter somewhere, even if it is shallow.
So two pages that took a little while because they mattered to me. It was one of the ideas for the book that gave me pause and yet, this time out, I went for it. If it’s clumsy and ugly writing then I have learned something useful from the experience. There is no failure, only play and before my ambition, my drive, such fripperies fall away.
I love writing, and having written. My only consternation is that there is not the time for it. Even with getting up at 0400 to write before work, I find myself thinking about ideas and such during the day, a benign obsession that heightens rather than harms my life.
Reading-wise, I’m a little flat, aside from The Cartel by Don Winslow, and that is now approaching a sequence of howling, inexorable slaughter which was uncomfortable the first time I read it. Still, a brilliant book though and it’s the likes of Winslow that inspired my attempt at a crime book, albeit my take on it, whilst still respecting the conventions and obligatory scenes. It’s an amateur who wades in and thinks they can take on the giants of the field. I am an amateur, but I aim to adopt the mindset of a professional. I do the work, for the work is it’s own reward.