A little bit of place setting this morning, nothing spectacular and it was a bit forced but it still got done. An exploratory draft should be an arena where you can perform badly once in a while, whilst understanding that there will always be good days, bad days and indifferent ones. What I do, though, is keep going. There have been days where I’ve been sick, sad, tired, happy, unsettled and aggrieved but there were still pages written that day. Entire books speak to periods of my life, and the inspiration for them is there to me, but the pages get done in order to allow myself to get back and reshape or cut them.
I seldom get precious about it anymore, my commitment is to the truth of the project and within that, I offer up a consistency of work, and a promise that the work will receive my energy and attention. I’m not chasing trends, merely writing the best possible book with what tools and energy I have available to me. I work on my craft and although I am more beset by rejection than by success, these times are important to me. I’m learning all the time, finding joy in the process rather than the outcome and not letting rejection define or limit me.
It’s never personal, they don’t know me as a person, they only see the story and if it doesn’t fit their aesthetic, if it’s not to their standard, then they should reject it. No one owes me anything, no one wants to read my stuff unless there is a compelling reason to do so. It does not stop me writing, and it motivates me to improve. Usually this takes the form of new stories, because perfection is like chasing the horizon, you abandon the work as is, and apply the mistakes to new work instead. I work fast, and when motivated to do so, especially fast indeed. I post less scraps than I used to because when the work is out there, I want it to be presented with the cachet and approval, the quality control of a publisher behind it, in whatever form that takes. An audience deserves the best possible version of my work and if they’re willing to pay for it, that matters. I know that my work will never be as immediate as a viral video or a tweet, but that serves as part of the appeal for me, in the construction to make it worthwhile. I don’t want to change the world, I want to entertain, to make people feel, even if it passes a lunchbreak or makes a dull commute bearable. I want to talk about things and tell stories. I always have but now there is an import behind each day’s writing that drives it onwards.