Project Laughter 17/09/2015

Sometimes I write out what is going on to figure out what is going on. A book in first draft is an exploration, working out the themes and sometimes it’s a scalpel, other times a spade and you just have to fucking dig.  The intention is for me to then go back and refine it to meet my own standards in writing. If I spend two pages telling, then I make notes as to how I can show it. Sometimes I leave it, if the honesty speaks to the truth of the book, but otherwise I look at the body language, refine the dialogue and to leave certain things unsaid but articulated.

I am close to the penultimate point of the book now, and taking my sweet time about it because I want to get out the text of the dynamics so that later on, I make it subtext. There are points of subtlety in the first draft, but sometimes I want to get everything out and look at it, speak aloud the names of what is going on and then put everything back. I spend a lot of time with a book, each one has it’s own challenges and I am fighting those challenges with the tools that I gathered from the last one. The relationships and the characters drive everything, and sometimes they change the central idea to a point where it’s entirely different from the original concept. It produces a better book, each time because it feels real and organic.

I am passionate and ruthless with myself on the page, which comes from making it my purpose because I want to improve and to do that, I have to work on the areas where I am weakest. Seeking feedback from people that I trust, my friends, my agent, as nervewracking as that can be, all helps me to grow. That comes about from having spent a long time sharing nothing with anyone to any massive degree and by the time I drag the finished book into the light of day, I cannot see everything as a reader would.

It is all sourced in love though, not masochism and I grow stronger, more capable with each barrier. I work with a process that makes me create value consistently, that allows me space to develop and absorb what I have learned. It all boils down to getting my pages done each day, reading and refining the work that I have done and proceeding with a degree of self appointment.

Nothing stops me. My path isn’t laid out completely, but I keep walking it with an open heart and a determination to see things through.

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