Nothing Keeps Me Anywhere 26.02.2015

I kept the momentum going, admittedly a little later into the first draft than I’d like but that’s part of it, getting everything out of your head onto the page and then cutting it. My first drafts are meandering, sprawling affairs, soft and spilling like a loaf of bread but subsequent drafts end up looking like they’re carved out of wood.

Today, I added a complication, a spiteful action that makes sense in the reality of the world. I’m reading Cold Hands by John J Niven, and there’s a lovely quote about revenge in it that I thought appropriate to reproduce here.

 

Revenge is an act which you want to commit when you are powerless and because you are powerless: as soon as the sense of impotence is removed, the desire evaporates also.”

That summed up a set of feelings and motivations that have informed the latter stages of the first draft, and also got me thinking about how and when I’ve felt powerless in my life and how ugly it felt. Impotence, even the fear of it haunts us all but men are especially vulnerable to it. Even to suggest that a man lacks power or prowess is an effective retort during the somewhat degraded discourse of online activism.  That’s all fed into what I’m writing, because it’s interesting and impassioned.

So, there’s still sex, but there’s everything that goes with it as well, the consequences and the emotions as well as the actions that people take to avenge slights, perceived or otherwise.  It’s what you think about, and what you’re feeling that goes onto the page sometimes and means that you are channeling something pure. I don’t go in with an IDEA just a vague sense of something that I expand upon and then pare back, like panning for gold on the backs of a large river.

 

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